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maychorianI've decided that it would be a good idea to write a bit about this depression thing and how that's going for me. These posts will really be mostly for myself, I think, trying to decompress and figure things out. They'll be kind of rambly and pointless and you're very welcome to skip them.
So, yeah. Going up to a pharmacy counter to fill a prescription for anti-depressants is really freaking hard.
Of course, I always have a hard time going out in public, have trouble meeting people's eyes, even if it's just the check-out person at a store. It's been this way for me for a long time, but I always figured it was just part of the shyness I've had since I was a kid. Now that I've actually been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with a mental disorder or three, though, it's like I have the freedom to admit to myself that it really is a problem. It's not just that I'm lazy and awkward and clumsy--there's actually something in my brain chemistry that makes these things difficult for me. Yay?
I feel all twisted up inside at the thought of tomorrow, which I'll be spending with yet another group of strangers at the orientation thing for that job I applied for. The convention over this past weekend wasn't bad for me, because I was nearly always with a friend or two, or more. Just one person who I know and trust makes these things a lot more easy for me, even enjoyable.
The times when I was by myself, though, when everyone I knew was off doing their own thing--yeah, that was hard, even in the middle of all the fun I was having. I just sort of retreat into myself, don't talk, don't look at people, avoid contact and conversation. I'm sure my friends never notice this about me, because I'm not like that when I'm with them. I'm genuinely happy, bubbly, even funny. We have our in-jokes and catch phrases, know each other's quirks and likes and dislikes. I'm known for my bloodlust, Gabe forgets important features of his characters, Jill is sardonic, Aaron is crazy-creative, Josh is scary-smart and very opinionated. I'm good at having friends, terrible at making them.
It's a little odd.
In other news, the Superbowl was awesome. I usually watch it with my mom, and we both get very invested in the team we're rooting for, even though we watch very little football besides that one game. We were rooting for the Cardinals, because we both think Kurt Warner is the shiz. So yeah, that was one heart-pounding game. Good commercials, too.
So, yeah. Going up to a pharmacy counter to fill a prescription for anti-depressants is really freaking hard.
Of course, I always have a hard time going out in public, have trouble meeting people's eyes, even if it's just the check-out person at a store. It's been this way for me for a long time, but I always figured it was just part of the shyness I've had since I was a kid. Now that I've actually been diagnosed by a psychiatrist with a mental disorder or three, though, it's like I have the freedom to admit to myself that it really is a problem. It's not just that I'm lazy and awkward and clumsy--there's actually something in my brain chemistry that makes these things difficult for me. Yay?
I feel all twisted up inside at the thought of tomorrow, which I'll be spending with yet another group of strangers at the orientation thing for that job I applied for. The convention over this past weekend wasn't bad for me, because I was nearly always with a friend or two, or more. Just one person who I know and trust makes these things a lot more easy for me, even enjoyable.
The times when I was by myself, though, when everyone I knew was off doing their own thing--yeah, that was hard, even in the middle of all the fun I was having. I just sort of retreat into myself, don't talk, don't look at people, avoid contact and conversation. I'm sure my friends never notice this about me, because I'm not like that when I'm with them. I'm genuinely happy, bubbly, even funny. We have our in-jokes and catch phrases, know each other's quirks and likes and dislikes. I'm known for my bloodlust, Gabe forgets important features of his characters, Jill is sardonic, Aaron is crazy-creative, Josh is scary-smart and very opinionated. I'm good at having friends, terrible at making them.
It's a little odd.
In other news, the Superbowl was awesome. I usually watch it with my mom, and we both get very invested in the team we're rooting for, even though we watch very little football besides that one game. We were rooting for the Cardinals, because we both think Kurt Warner is the shiz. So yeah, that was one heart-pounding game. Good commercials, too.
