maychorian: (couldn't do it anymore)

I am writing fanfic again. Of the SPN variety.

And it's been so long. And of course it's spurty and hard. And of course I'm having all the usual writerly awfulness of "omg I suck I'm worst writer ever why am I even trying what is WRONG with me and what is wrong with this what is this everloving crap I am putting on this poor paper digital word document omgwtfbbq".

So yeah, that's awesome. I started writing over Christmas break while on family vacation away from the internet and it was supposed to be this short thing posted by the New Year. I especially wanted to have it done before hiatus was over and it's NOT. It's, like, demanding to be epic, and I'm all frowning at it like, "No, stupid story, you are about the boys gathering Cas's grace in a beer bottle, you are not supposed to be epic, so stop trying to be. Your reach exceeds your grasp and it's not all cool and inspirational, it's just sad and pathetic and sad."

Dash it all.


Mar. 8th, 2011 10:03 am
maychorian: (Ruby's  games)
Dude, what is with all the spam on LJ lately? Almost every day it seems like I'm going to some old post and hitting SELECT SELECT DELETE AS SPAM. Cut it out, spammers. My site does not exist for your google optimization.

So I just watched the second to last White Collar episode and my heart just about burst with glee. THANKS FOR HITTING ALLLL OF MY BUTTONS, SHOW. Oh, Peter. Oh, Neal. Oh, El. Oh, MOZZIE. I ♥ them all, but especially Mozzie. He's so adorable with his little glasses and his fuzzy head and his, "Wait, WHAT?" and "I came on my own" and listening sympathetically to Neal being all wistful, oh, Moz, I would marry you if you were real.

Also I watched Girl, Interrupted yesterday for the time and was like WTF Misha, why always killers or sex hippies, eh? Until Castiel. WHOM I MISS. I am also caught up on Supernatural and there has not been even close to enough Castiel.

I did my federal taxes late last night because I was tired of worrying about it and just wanted to get it over with, and fortunately I'll be getting a nice refund this year, almost 500, which is like WHEW. Since a good chunk of my income last year was as an independent contractor without taxes withheld, I was afraid I would end up owing, but I'm still poor enough that I didn't, thankfully. My AGI was like 11k or something ridiculous like that. Seriously, guys, I'm tired of not making enough to live on without living in my parents' basement. I'm trying so hard to find something, to make it work, but I'm laid off from my "good job" at the moment (which isn't even full time, anyway), and everything else I try to find just isn't working. I wanted part-time work at a PetSmart, and I applied and got the first interview, and now I just keeping making phone call after phone call, "Have you made a decision, have you made a decision," and they're all "We'll call you back, we'll call you back," and they DON'T, and seriously, just tell me you don't want me so I can keep looking. It's just PART-TIME WORK AT A PETSMART, C'MON, WHY CAN'T I HAVE THAT.


I miss my rats so much lately. My heart hurts all the freaking time, thinking about them, and it's been going on for months. I want to get more, but I can't because I'm living in my parents' basement and my dad hates them like poison. I want to move out, but I can't because I'm not making enough money. I feel so trapped sometimes. And my eyes keep getting worse. Driving at night is, like, literally dangerous for me now, I think, but I keep doing it because what else am I gonna do? It's not like buses come out to little towns in the middle of Amish country, and if I didn't get to go visit my friends a couple of times a week I'd probably go nuts.

Wow, that went whiny fast. But, well, maybe you can see why I haven't been spending a lot of time on LJ lately.
maychorian: (Default)
Ugh, did I say I was feeling better? LIES. LIES AND SLANDER.

I think the antibiotics are making me sick to my stomach, too. At least, I've felt horribly nauseated every morning I've taken them, and now too. I've been eating a LOT of yogurt and not much else.


I'm going back to sleep. Maybe it'll be better tomorrow.

TMI time

Aug. 12th, 2010 09:29 pm
maychorian: (WTF lunch)
So that back pain that was so horrible and kept getting worse and worse until I could hardly stand it? Apparently caused by a bug bite. Bizarre but true.

I am on antibiotics now and already feeling better after just a day, but it still hurts pretty bad, sometimes feels like just this hot, throbbing lump on my lower back. There's a patch of red, swollen skin on my back a little bigger than my hand, warm to the touch, with a worse spot in the middle that must have been where I was bitten. I'm still using ice packs because they make it feel better, and taking ibuprofen on a regular basis, and STILL hurting a lot. But it's getting better.

Before I finally got into the clinic and got some help, it was so bad that I was literally shaking and crying at the worst times. My hands would tremble and I wouldn't be able think, and my head would spin and I'd feel like throwing up. Had a patch of that today, too, but I think it's getting better.

And this might have been found out a long time ago if I'd just had someone look at my back. Maybe we would have noticed that it looked like a bite. Instead I assumed it was lower back pain like I sometimes get, and then later when just the left side hurt I thought maybe a kidney infection. So yeah. Chalk that up to experience, I guess.

Anyway. I might get back to having a life sometime soon.


Jul. 31st, 2010 10:07 pm
maychorian: (Dean eww)
I feel really bad that I haven't been writing or reading or updating spngenlove lately. I had two affiliation requests sitting in my inbox for a week before I answered them. Internet has been taking a waaaaaaay far second priority to real life for me lately, and while that's kind of good, it's also kinda bad, in that I have made commitments and ought to keep them.

There is a short, simple explanation for how absent I've been from the internet, though. My back has been hurting. A lot. It makes it difficult for me to sit and use a computer, or lay on my stomach and use my netbook, as is more usual. It seems like I only have a certain amount of time I can stand to sit in a chair lately, and that time gets used up at my job. When I come home I just want to play in the yard with Murphy and my sisters, or lounge on the couch watching Netflix or playing Puzzle Quest on the X-Box. Even today, sitting playing D&D with my friends got hard after a few hours.

I really don't like welshing on my commitments, and I want to get back to having a fandom life soon. But please understand that if I seem to be ignoring you lately, it's not on purpose. It's just my stupid back and my off-line life getting in the way. I asked for an extension on my summergen story, too, because I realized that I'm having trouble writing because it Really Isn't Fun to try to write and enjoy the process (which I always have, even when it's hard) when I'm in constant, grinding pain. So yeah. Sorry.

But I really am interested in you guys and how you're doing! What's up lately? Anything exciting? I was always a Supernatural spoilerphobe before Season 5 broke me, but now I've read quite a few spoilers for Season 6 and I'm cautiously optimistic about how it might go. I've been watching Psych and Leverage and White Collar, and going through all the Futurama, Prison Break, and X-Files available on Netflix streaming, as well as rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender multiple times (new series looks amaaaaazing). I've also been reading the original translation of 1001 Arabian Nights lately, though I am continually shocked by how very, very racist and misogynistic that thing is. Wow. Still, some pretty amazing fantastic literature in there.

Hope everything is going well for you, too.
maychorian: (when did my writing style contract the d)
Oh flist, please convince me why I should spend my free time writing instead of farking off to pet my kitten and watch Futurama. It's been a problem lately.


Also, working to make money is a putting a serious crimp in my online social life. WHHHHHYYYYYYY can't I be independently wealthy, huh?
maychorian: (should've known better)
I'm kind of scared of how sick I am. Last night I started having trouble breathing, and now I'm wheezing and my chest is making weird noises. I couldn't sleep laying down so I dragged my blankets to the living room and slept sitting up in a recliner.

This is how my sister's pneumonia started, I'm pretty sure, back when she had pneumonia a few years ago.

I need to write so bad.

I is sad

Jan. 28th, 2010 11:59 pm
maychorian: (i lost my SHOE :()
My netbook power cord got broked. This is what I get for having pet rats and letting them run around my room, obviously, even though the nest they made in my sock drawer is incredibly adorable (AHAHAHA THEY KEEP STEALING MY MAXI PADS AND SCRUNCHIES TO PAD IT WITH), and next time of course I will try to do a better job of protecting my cords, possibly by wrapping them entirely in citrus, which my ratties hate. But. For now, I have six hours of battery power and that is IT.

I ordered a new cord and even went for expedited shipping, but it's definitely taking too long. ::shakes to make more tracking information fall out:: What, yes, I only ordered it a few hours ago. Shut up.

Anyway. This is sad, because I don't know when I'll be able to download the new SPN ep and watch it. I spent this evening killing undead devourer thingies and harpies with my mad awesome elf rogue, and that was amazing, but what will I do with the rest of my time? :(

At least I still have the Netflix queue on my teevee. But Supernatural isn't on it.

maychorian: (Dean wake up)
Like half of my family has a sniffles today. Yaaaaaayyyy. And tomorrow six of us are going on a bus trip with our church. Was looking forward to it. Maybe not so much now.

Supper last night was kinda funny, too. Mom had made a new recipe, a chicken and rice dish with lots of garlic, ginger, and hot sauce. To me it was about the perfect level of spice, but some of the kids complained. (Since I moved back an brought with my jars of minced refrigerated ginger and garlic and Thai chili paste, Mom has been trying to find recipes to use them. More power to her, I say.) So everyone around the table was sniffing a lot as those lovely spices drained our sinuses. Just a lovely chorus of snuffling and sniffling and napkins wiping noses, heee heee heee.

But yeah, then I woke up this morning with lots of lovely yellow mucus and stuff to hack up. Huzzah.

If any of my basic and plus flisties would like a ten-dollar coupon to upgrade to a paid account, lemme know. I have ten.

Mmm, I should have something with lots of garlic and ginger tonight, too. Tey r gud 4 u.


Nov. 13th, 2009 08:04 am
maychorian: (not a good day)
Urp, my back hurts so bad this morning that it's making me nauseated. Ow, ow, ow. Having flashbacks to when I was having bad back problems when I was thirteen or so. Got so bad I threw up water. Got really dehydrated and when we went in to get blood tests they had to take the blood from my wrist with a butterfly needle because they couldn't get the vein in my arm.

Youch. This back pain has been building for awhile, but I thought I could handle it. I know it's because of the work I do every morning, hauling an elderly gentleman from his bed to his scooter, to the commode, back again... Four pulls like that every morning. I've been feeling the soreness build up in my back for quite a while, but I thought I could manage it until my quitting day, just two weeks off now. But... I guess my back has had enough. It's so bad I almost cried, driving back home, thinking about nothing but getting some ibuprofen in me and taking the pressure off my spine.

Well. I'll just lie here on my bed and write fanfic. Take that, back.
maychorian: (Dean wake up)
Sucky experiences I never want to go through again:

Running out of gas at 7:20 in the morning while still recovering from a nasty cold/ear infection and walking forty-five minutes to and from the nearest gas station on an east-west road with the sun in my eyes for half the journey, then pouring in the gas and managing to get it all over myself while feeling stupid for having trouble figuring out the new-fangled gas can with my discombobulated brain, then being unable to start the car because I fail at fuel injection, calling my mommy for help, having her read stuff from the internet to figure out how to start the car, still not being able to do it, calling work to beg off from my other job with my voice wobbling like a pre-pubescent boy's both from the cold and from the aggravation, THEN getting the car to start, driving to the gas station and only filling up halfway because I can't afford a full tank, driving home with teary eyes from frustration and weariness, and finally wibbling my way into the house, dizzy and exhausted and freakin' fed up already before nine o'clock in the morning.

Man, that sucked.

I'm going back to bed.


Aug. 13th, 2009 08:23 pm
maychorian: (WTF lunch)
LOL WTF, so the lodge here has wireless. Yes, lodge. We are staying in a couple of cabins at a state park in Brown County, and it's gorgeous here, though i fear being eaten by a deer. No, not bear, deer. There are a lot of them and they just randomly cross the road and kind of stare at you like, "Whatchoo doin' in my living room, beeyotch?" and we's all, "SORRY SORRY WE'RE LEAVING RIGHT AWAY PROMISE."

So yes, I am currently accompanying my siblings and little cousins to the indoor waterpark inside the main lodge here, because yeah, they have an indoor waterpark inside the main lodge, and I was working on a project so I brought my netbook along, and thought huh, guess I'll check and see if they have wireless here, and THEY DO. ??? Wish I had checked two days ago. I know I missed a bunch of checks in my MouseHunt game.

Anyways. Been a pretty good vacation so far, though I've spent in states of uncomfortableness ranging from mild to moderately severe due to various reasons--motion sickness, ear infection, THAT TIME OF MONTH. Yes, these three things have combined in very unpleasant ways. I spent most of today laying on my cot in the cabin of the living room instead of going hiking with my mom, grandma, and sibs, though I am feeling somewhat better now. Right ear hurts like the dickens at the moment, though. In an hour it will probably be the left. And then my abdomen will prolly join in, because menstrual cramps wait for no woman.

Oh well. I haven't gotten a whole lot of writing done, but I did spend most of today working on a soundtrack for Rain Falling Down, cuz that's what I do when I don't feel like writing, I guess. Except that I'm actually writing for this one, a snippet in Castiel's POV for each song. Still have about five to go. It's been a fun and interesting exercise.

Any artists on my flist interested in making a cover for me? Possibly with oatmeal_queen's gorgeous art? I would throw something together, but half of this screen is cracked, which makes working with GIMP (or anything, really) somewhat difficult. (As in very.)

I may very well have it ready for posting tomorrow.

ETA: Should have mentioned... Title of the soundtrack is Butterfly Against a Hurricane. It's twenty-two tracks. I just kinda put it together with just what I had on my netbook, but I like the results. Hopefully you guys will too.
maychorian: (couldn't do it anymore)

::falls over::

I am a sad, sad panda.
maychorian: (Jack's solution)
Ooh! My last post was my 500th LJ entry! ::does a dance::

So, I would like to do more stuff, like read and write and rec, but my life has been kind of nuts for the past few days. For one thing, my work schedule is EFFED. Every morning I help a client from 6:30 to 7:30, and it takes fifteen minutes to get there, so you can see when I have to get up. I've managed it by getting up at 6:10, but that's really not a good idea. So there's that, and then now I'm also helping a client every morning from nine to noon, and that's quite a fair drive down to south Fort Wayne. And then also there is another client who doesn't have a schedule but just calls me when I'm needed, sometimes only a few hours ahead of time. For the past two days, that's been from four to nine and five to ten in the evening. (This is the one that sometimes/usually involves hours of walking around pushing a wheelchair.) Plus D&D on Monday and Thursday nights, which is important.

For those of you following along at home, YES, this means that it has been unpossible for me to get a full eight hours of sleep at night. I usually try to nap during the day, especially during my usually free afternoon, but it doesn't always work. This is slowly but surely wearing me down. When I get tired I tend to catch horrible and lingering respiratory infections. DO NOT WANT.

Also I have begun donating plamsa for teh monies, and this is another strain on my body. I think I do okay as long as I drink lots and lots of water and get my protein, though. But that means I have to pee all the time. Suddenly, I like drinking milk, which I never have before, because that's both water AND protein, like some kind of miracle.

Plus trying to exercise and keep up with my flist and spend time with my family and oh, yeah, write those stories I promised to write. I'M GOING TO WRITE SOMETHING THIS AFTERNOON I SWEAR I HAVE TO I MISS IT SO MUCH. Sweet Charity is already late and I really, really, really don't want to renege on summergen. :(

I wish there was some kind of magic button that let you fix your life.
maychorian: (Sammy - brain hurty)
Rant the First: WHY IS CASTIEL-POV SO HARD TO WRITE. Whyyyy??? You need to be more human, dude, so your brain makes more sense. You make me make this face. :-ddoisjl "Bitchass angel of the freakin' Lord," for sure.

Rant the Second: My Bartleby has become a biter. Why, little rat, why? DO MY HANDS TASTE LIKE CANDY? They are not candy! I'm pretty sure they should just taste like hands. THAT IS NOT DELICIOUS.

Rant the Third: Okay, I have more hours right now, which is cool, but why did it have to coincide with Big Bang? I WANT MORE TIME TO READ.

Rant the Fourth: Yeah, and these hours include a lot of walking pushing a kid in wheelchair. Which is cool, right? Free exercise. Sometimes two or three hours a day. I didn't change my eating patterns because I'm not down with that, but I thought maybe I would drop a few pounds anyway. NOPE. I'VE GAINED WEIGHT SINCE THIS STARTED. I do not understand.

Rant the Fifth: Related to Rant the Fourth. Blisters and sore feet, and now there's a hole in my left shoe, probably because of the funky way I walk, what with one leg being a little longer than the other and all.

Rant the Sixth: STOOPID TENDINITIS. I sincerely wish that you could change physical maladies into, like, a little gremlin that you can then grab and STRANGLE WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. It would be cool if you could do this with depression too. Sigh. (...Would that make a good crackfic?)

Rant the Seventh: STOOPID BROKEN A KEY. Seriously, keyboard, why you do this to me? I've only ever been nice to you. I don't even keysmash very often. RAZZLEFRAM.

Not a Rant: Oh, Misha Misha, you have us fangirls figured out, don't you? You know we are all about the crack and the hurt/comfort. Though I get why it freaks [ profile] strangeandcharm out a bit, because last night's antics freaked me out a bit too. I think it was the hunger strike and the leash bit that did it for me. You are crazy. And cute and funny and immensely huggable, but also crazy.

SPN stuff

Mar. 20th, 2009 12:54 pm
maychorian: (Castiel Uriel - hot cop bad cop)
Okay, this might sound bitchy or whiny or whatever, but I would really appreciate it if people on my flist would hide their reactions to new episodes behind lj cuts. Due to my schedule, I usually can't see the episode till Friday, and I hate being accidentally spoiled, even for very small things. I like watching the story unfold with no idea at all of what's going to happen. It just makes it more enjoyable for me. This is not a rant against any one person or anything--there was just a LOT LOT LOT of stuff outside cuts this week that had me running away from my friends page covering my eyes and singing loudly to forget what I'd just seen. Which is sad, because I really enjoy refreshing my friends page every so often to see what's going on with people, and I would hate to have to put that off until I have time to watch the new episode. If this keeps up I'm going to have to avoid LJ completely from 10 o'clock to whenever on Friday or even Saturday, and I don't want to do that. :( Yes, I'm selfish.


Do you like Dean whumping? Do you like Sam whumping, though to a lesser extent? Do you like hilarious banter and brothers taking care of each other but not being girly? Do you like MotWs that you've never seen before? Do you like Dean being bitchy and/or menacing? Do you like Sam being smart and likable in a story set in S4? Do you like unhealthy amounts of C4?

Well, then, you'll like this: The Quiet Man. I like it very much.

Also, you should TOTALLY be reading [ profile] autumn_lilacs's "Our Father" 'verse. She just finished a really long, awesome futurefic full of family angst and scary, original monsters and amazing, strong, beautiful OFCs who I want to be BFFs with, every single one of them. (FOUR in this story, and each of them a treasure!) So yeah, run, don't walk.

Hmm, I need to do another author rec post soon.

♥ to you all, and Happy Friday!
maychorian: (WTF lunch)

Out of my throat, foul minions of Hell. OUT, OUT I SAY.


Seriously, though, I think I am feeling a little better today.
maychorian: (Sammy - brain hurty)
I am coughing up gray-green chunks of ugliness and I'm pretty sure I have a fever, and yet I am become a popsicle, because hellllooooooo, parents' basement, home once more. ::sigh:: I'm going to miss so many things about having my own place...the light from the third-floor windows, being able to take a shower whenever the heck I want (and incidentally also walking around naked if I VERY WELL CHOOSE, THANK YOU), setting my own thermostat, having my own fridge and cupboards, living like a pig in a pigsty, letting my rats run around on the floor (will NOT be happening here), having so many keys on my keychain, watching semi-naughty movies and TV shows with the volume turned ALL THE WAY UP sans worrying about my ten-year-old sis hearing, saying the word "crap" without guilt, and basically, you know, living in squalor. I am surrounded by boxes and I have no idea where anything is and I'm still feeling horribly weak and light-headed, so yay, body o' mine, continue to bring the love why don't you. I'd like to die now, plz.

Had some really weird fever dreams last night, too. I think, maybe, I was John Winchester? And I was fighting an evil sickness monster called a Lindle? And the only way I could defeat it was by kicking the covers off the bed every hour or so, then going to the bathroom to pee and drink another glass of water. So I did, and I guess I won, because when I woke up this morning I knew that I was Maychorian again. So that's good.

::raps knuckles against temple:: Let's have some GOOD dreams tonight, yes? Thank you.

I miss my apartment.


Feb. 27th, 2009 12:34 pm
maychorian: (not a good day)
Ugh, I am sick. What wonderful timing, body o' mine. Didn't get sick all winter. Until now, when I must be out of my apartment tomorrow and still have far too much to do, packing and cleaning and all that fun stuff. I just feel so flipping weak. Carrying a few boxes up and down the stairs to my car had me feeling like I was about to pass out.

I want to sleep, but this may also not be the best idea. Last night I had stress dreams about the move, too, which seemed to be a combination of Sam and Dean being very, very angsty and strange references to D&D. Sample convo:

"So, you're absolutely sure that the planar elves are going to appear and eat all your stuff?"

"Yes, we must fumigate immediately!"

I don't know.

Also, my internet is already off at my place, which makes me somewhat depressed even though I asked for it to be turned off today. I'm posting this from my parents' house.

And now I must go back and pack some more.
maychorian: (i lost my SHOE :()
I want more amazing, well-written, long, plotty, interesting and original Dean and Castiel gen stories. Every time I see one that looks intriguing, it's slash. And don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with slash, and hurrah for all those who love it. But I like friendship and bonding and conflict that gets worked out gradually and realistically with twists and turns and without kissing and sex. It's just the way I'm made. Also not villifying Sam because he messes with the OTP, you know, working him into the story and treating him as a good character and Dean's brother, which he is. And...and yeah, I've found some awesome gen with Dean and Castiel, notably by [ profile] july_july_july and [ profile] strangeandcharm and [ profile] eighth_horizon and [ profile] autumn_lilacs and others I am undoubtedly forgetting, but I want MORE.

::pouts at you::

The awesome gen writers on my list should totally get on this.

Yes, I am trying, too. Actually, I'm rather deeply buried in my big bang right now, and yisss, I has a Cas, because I wub him and wish to kiss his faaaaaace. More than once.

And hey! There are some very intriguing Castiel prompts over at the gen battle! E.g.:

Castiel - learning
Castiel - shave
Castiel and any - leaving, sword, hymn, light a candle for the dead
Castiel and Dean - conversing happiness
Castiel and Dean - irreverent ([ profile] july_july_july wrote an awesome fic for this, but you can do another one!)
Castiel and Sam - the thin red line
Sam and Castiel - muffins, hospital, taxi cab, outer space
Any - mice, tacos, hair ribbons, farting
Any - post-apocalyptic, daily life

Do these not inspire you? Do these not make you passionately wish to write some good Castiel gen? Do these not melt your brain with the possibilities? Well? ::puts hands on hips and taps toe::

I'm waiting.

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