maychorian | Ugh. I hate this so much.

I am having a lousy, lousy weekend. First working on a Saturday and all, that was no fun, but it was dealable. But ugh, this. I hate this.

Started my period Friday, I think. Was normal as far as I knew. And then in the middle of the night between Friday and Saturday I woke up and yep, soaked through, blood everywhere SO GROSS AND ICKY AND SMELLY. Usually my periods are relatively heavy, but over quickly, and are just a little inconvenient. This month, apparently, something weird is going on. I've been having to change pads every hour or so, and I've ruined three pairs of underwear. THE FIRST ONE WAS BRAND NEW, AND I ALMOST NEVER HAVE NEW UNDERWEAR. So disgusting.

And then about noon on Saturday, as I was driving into work, the cramps started. I don't usually cramp, and if I do, it's no big deal. I drink some water and move on. But this was sudden, and horrible. I stopped at a pharmacy and bought ibuprofen and more pads and had them on my desk at work because I needed it close. And the cramps only got worse.

I got maybe four hours of sleep last night. I keep taking ibuprofen, and then taking another one like an hour later, but I'm scared to take too much. I hate drugs, even painkillers. I don't like how they make me feel different, not myself. Even when I have a headache or something, I usually just drink a bunch of water and keep going. But ugh, this is awful, and no matter how many ibuprofen I take, it doesn't really go away. It feels like being eaten from the inside.

I don't think I've ever had a period this awful. I know a lot of women go through this every month, but it's never hit me like this. It feels like dying, slowly and invisibly.

AND I BLED ON MY COUCH. I need a new couch anyway--this is basically a hand-me-down pile of foam and already had lots of holes and stuff and smells like pee. But I did not expect to have to replace my couch because I got a ginormous blot of menstrual blood on it that won't come out. SO GROSS. I feel smelly and gross, like I just can't get clean.

Didn't really eat today, until some buddies came over and brought stuff. I have a bi-weekly get-together on Sunday nights with some good friends--we play D&D and chat and have fun (I DM this group, and the plot is really coming together now, so that's cool). Usually it's awesome, but today I really just wanted to tell them to go away and let me die in peace. But we had like a potluck, with nachos and snacks, and I ate a couple of plates of food, and I think it's just made my stupid cramps worse. I don't know if I'm going to get any sleep tonight, either, and I have work tomorrow.

The ironic thing is that I just read some amazing fanfic by

minkmix, including a genderswap arc. I almost never read that particular brand of crack, but this was really good and realistic, with excellent characterization. And yeah, in her particular genderswap, when Dean and Sam get changed into girls they also get periods and CRAMPS FROM HELL. (Seriously, I recommend them. Good stories, worth your time.) And now I'm living it, only I don't get the coolness of SAVING people, HUNTING things. Ugh.

Also, the air-conditioning in my apartment is apparently broken. I'll have to call the office tomorrow and get someone to come look at it. Really bad timing. Just made me feel even more sticky and gross, during this very sticky and gross time.

So yes, I just wanted to whine, and remark on the awfulness, because suffering silently is just useless. At least now the uselesslness is shared, since you just wasted your time reading this.