Blah Blather Blah
Apr. 25th, 2009 08:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
maychorianI have been going back and reading all of my flisties' reactions to 4.19. (And I had to skip back 120! WTF? When did my flist get so big and so talkative? O.O) But anyway, I find them all faaaascinating, for reasons that my Big Bang betas will know. I didn't take the time to comment on anybody, but I just want to let you all know that you are amazing and I love your thinkinesses. ::group smish::
I NEED TO GET CAUGHT UP ON COMMENTS. More than 500 messages in my inbox. How did that happen? ::dies:: As soon as I finish Big Bang, I swear.
Because YES, I have finally gotten back into writing my BB. I was having some sort of mental block about it, I don't know. I was up to about seventeen thousand words a month and a half ago, and then I just sort of let it drop. Got distracted or busy or scared of what was coming next, I don't know. But I really need to get myself in gear now. It's hard, but I'm trying to make myself NOT go out and research every random question that occurs to me. And I'm also having to deny my compulsion to reread everything I write a dozen million times. It's part of what made me a good proofreader, but it's not useful right now. And yeah, I'm still afraid of failing, but I need to put on my big girl panties and get on with it. (A phrase that someone once used to sneer at me and tell me to get over being molested as a child and STOP BEING OFFENDED BY RAPE JOKES YOU HUMORLESS TWAT OMG. [paraphrased] And yeah, I was so done with that conversation then. It's still a good phrase, though.) But anyway. Onward and upward.
Oh, and I remembered something this morning. A long time ago someone private messaged me and asked me to beta for them, and I never answered, which I feel bad about. (And now I can't remember who it was and yeah, buried in the inbox.) I kept meaning to reply, but couldn't quite figure out how to say it or something. Cuz, see, I really don't think people should trust me as a beta. I've tried to do it in the past and failed completely at being responsible and all that stuff. I'm a good proofreader, yeah, but somehow I seem to freeze up when given someone's story. I don't know. So I'm sorry, I really do appreciate that you think I'd be a good beta, but I just don't trust myself to do it regularly. I can do it on occasion for a friend, when it's a one-off and something that I know I'd be good at, like a crossover where I'm familiar with both canons. But just...yeah. Don't trust me. I'm sorry.
And now, back to the story. I'm finally making some headway and I really need to keep up the momentum. Giving myself pep talks helps. One thing I keep telling myself is just how good it's going to feel to be finished, to not have this hanging over me anymore. A least three of my flisties have announced their victory over the 20,000 words in the past week, and it makes me awfully jealous. I just have to keep telling myself not to get bogged down. (NO, MAY, YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHICH WILDFLOWERS BLOOM IN AUGUST IN A CERTAIN MIDWEST STATE. CHECK IT LATER.)
Bye!
I NEED TO GET CAUGHT UP ON COMMENTS. More than 500 messages in my inbox. How did that happen? ::dies:: As soon as I finish Big Bang, I swear.
Because YES, I have finally gotten back into writing my BB. I was having some sort of mental block about it, I don't know. I was up to about seventeen thousand words a month and a half ago, and then I just sort of let it drop. Got distracted or busy or scared of what was coming next, I don't know. But I really need to get myself in gear now. It's hard, but I'm trying to make myself NOT go out and research every random question that occurs to me. And I'm also having to deny my compulsion to reread everything I write a dozen million times. It's part of what made me a good proofreader, but it's not useful right now. And yeah, I'm still afraid of failing, but I need to put on my big girl panties and get on with it. (A phrase that someone once used to sneer at me and tell me to get over being molested as a child and STOP BEING OFFENDED BY RAPE JOKES YOU HUMORLESS TWAT OMG. [paraphrased] And yeah, I was so done with that conversation then. It's still a good phrase, though.) But anyway. Onward and upward.
Oh, and I remembered something this morning. A long time ago someone private messaged me and asked me to beta for them, and I never answered, which I feel bad about. (And now I can't remember who it was and yeah, buried in the inbox.) I kept meaning to reply, but couldn't quite figure out how to say it or something. Cuz, see, I really don't think people should trust me as a beta. I've tried to do it in the past and failed completely at being responsible and all that stuff. I'm a good proofreader, yeah, but somehow I seem to freeze up when given someone's story. I don't know. So I'm sorry, I really do appreciate that you think I'd be a good beta, but I just don't trust myself to do it regularly. I can do it on occasion for a friend, when it's a one-off and something that I know I'd be good at, like a crossover where I'm familiar with both canons. But just...yeah. Don't trust me. I'm sorry.
And now, back to the story. I'm finally making some headway and I really need to keep up the momentum. Giving myself pep talks helps. One thing I keep telling myself is just how good it's going to feel to be finished, to not have this hanging over me anymore. A least three of my flisties have announced their victory over the 20,000 words in the past week, and it makes me awfully jealous. I just have to keep telling myself not to get bogged down. (NO, MAY, YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW WHICH WILDFLOWERS BLOOM IN AUGUST IN A CERTAIN MIDWEST STATE. CHECK IT LATER.)
Bye!
