I called him my Bartle-baby.

[maychorian]

Bartleby is not the first pet I've lost, and he won't be the last. He's not even the first pet rat--I've lost two others to tumors and old age, and I mourned them both a great deal. But Bartleby was something special.

The very first day I bought him, I took the box he was in from the pet store to my car. I didn't want to wait to get home to meet him, to get to know him, so I sat there in the driver's seat to open the box and look in and say hello to my adorable new ratty. Bartleby looked up at me with his big brown eyes and immediately leaped from the box and dug his little claws into my collar, holding on as tight as he could. He was obviously freaked out by being grabbed out of his pet-store home and shut in a box and carried around, and he clung to me like a wee furry limpet. He was maybe a couple months old at the time, still little, still a baby. Right away, he was Bartleby. I snuggled him and took care of him and loved him with everything in me.

I took the picture above about a month ago--the date on it is 4/30--but it could have happened at any time in the short year and few months I had my Bartle-baby. He loved to be held. He loved to spend time with me. He got scared easily, especially by Leo, and he came to me for protection and comfort, clinging to my neck or crawling inside my shirt or just sitting as close to me as he could get. I was his human shelter and I loved being that for him.

This Tuesday night, the night before he died. I held him for hours. Sometimes I was watching TV and sometimes I was just sitting there, petting him. He snuggled in my lap and in my hands, limp with happiness, or climbed around exploring for a bit, always returning to me. He bruxed and boggled and showed his appreciation in every way that a sweet little rodent can. For hours.

And then he died yesterday afternoon sometime. I don't know why, I'm not sure what killed him, but I feel horribly responsible. And I miss him desperately.

He was my Bartle-baby and I loved him very, very much.